PICTURES

Think about the one thing you hate about yourself. The one thing in your life that you try to hide from everyone, afraid of what they might say, or think. We all have something. A scar from that bad fall when you were a kid, or the mole on the side of your face. Whatever it is, you know that deep down inside you wish it weren’t there. Maybe you’ve learned to accept it, maybe you’re still working through it, or maybe you’re hiding it completely, always making sure to turn your head to just the right angle when the camera finds itself on you, so that the rest of the world never sees the mole on the side of your face. So that Facebook isn’t appalled at your imperfections.

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For years, actually the majority of my life, I would make every effort when I traveled to be sure my wheelchair wasn’t in pictures. I would climb out of my chair to sit on a nearby rock, or seek out a bench with the scenery in the background that I was trying to capture. So many of my pictures I would crop to just show the upper part of my body. In the back of my mind, I thought that if my wheelchair wasn’t in pictures, then I wouldn’t actually be using a wheelchair. I was in complete denial, afraid that the wheelchair would make the picture “ugly” or not as “scenic,” with a chunk of metal and rubber ruining the scenery. But most of all, I was in complete denial that my wheelchair even existed.

Over the years, there would be times where there was nowhere for me to sit outside of my wheelchair. And I simply couldn’t miss out on a picture of the giant Buddha in Hong Kong or the miniature horse in Wine Country. I started to, slowly, over time become more and more comfortable in my own skin…in my own wheelchair.

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I learned to look at pictures of myself and see a very pretty smile with a beautiful sunset, or a woman who has overcome some challenges but still traveled to Kenya. I started to see “me” and the scenery. And eventually the wheelchair wasn’t the first thing I saw anymore. I started to see my own photos the way the rest of the world saw them…or at least the way I would want them to see them.

I missed out on hundreds of photo opportunities solely because I didn’t want my wheelchair to be photographed. I regret missing every one of those chances. So the next time you have the chance to capture a photo of you and something you find so spectacular you want to capture it forever, do it…regardless of what your makeup looks like, or the clothes you’re wearing, or the number on the scale that morning. The true beauty in a photograph shines through in a smile…even if you are sucking in a little. We all do it.

Are there still times when I wish that my wheelchair wasn’t in the picture? Yes. Absolutely. I’m striving for perfection everyday, just like everyone else. But learning that I’m not perfect, and that there’s something special about imperfections, has taught me to enjoy life a little more freely. I’ve learned to accept that this will never go away. That this is who I am, and it’s okay.

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One thought on “PICTURES

  1. you have become quite a philosopher and I like it. As I grow old I also have to learn that I have to give in and admit some of my medical problems. Obviously, I can not compare myself to you, but I think I can understand.
    I do,like your pictures
    Annemarie Sommer

    Liked by 1 person

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